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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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First Woman Added To FBI’s 'Most Wanted Terrorists' List

Joanne Chesimard, a member of the Black Liberation Army who killed a New Jersey state trooper 40 years ago and has since fled to Cuba, was named one of the FBI’s Most Wanted Terrorists, becoming the first woman ever to appear on the list. What do you think?

  • “I’m sure some hardworking male terrorist lost his spot just so the FBI could make a point.”

    Moe Vanselow Pulp Press Tender
  • “Frankly, they’re not doing enough. Fifty percent of those terrorists need to be women before I’ll be satisfied.”

    Amy Yerkes Lawn Sprinkler Installer
  • “But I bet she doesn’t make as much money as all the men on that list.”

    Juan Pablo Ayala Systems Analyst

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