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Five Percent Of U.S. Workers Are Illegal Aliens

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Five Percent Of U.S. Workers Are Illegal Aliens

A recent study shows that 5 percent of all workers in the U.S. are illegal immigrants. What do you think?
  • "I yearn for the day when 100 percent of all workers are illegal immigrants and we as a nation can devote all our time to bitching about them."

    Ian Connelly Electrician
  • "Five percent seems like a lot, but when you consider that they’re responsible for 100 percent of the work that actually gets done, the problem is much worse."

    Ben Schwartz Bail Bondsman
  • "Ha! You should check out the factory I own! It's gotta be like 30 percent, maybe 35 percent!"

    Heather Mitchell Garment Manufacturer

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