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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Flavored Cigarettes Banned

The FDA ban on cigarettes flavored with cloves or fruit—but not menthol—took effect this week. What do you think?

  • "It's really disappointing that we need the government to tell people they shouldn't be smoking clove-flavored cigarettes."

    Peter Tudyk Optical Manager
  • "I think that, in the interest of fairness, Bud Light Lime should have to go as well."

    Jake Karuschkat Unemployed
  • "Bummer. With clove cigarettes a thing of the past, it won't be long before the Cure breaks up."

    Darla McCann Help Desk Technician

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