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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Florida Crocs Make Nuclear Comeback

American crocodiles are making a comeback in Florida, thanks in large part to the protected canals surrounding the Turkey Point nuclear power plant. What do you think?
  • "The crocodiles serve an important function in the ecosystem by keeping nuclear-protester numbers manageable."

    Chris Campbell Systems Analyst
  • "Is this one of those 'oh good, a revival of an endangered species' or 'oh no, our ecosystem will never recover' moments?"

    Gillian Lefferts Beer Delivery Man
  • "Hmm…crocodiles…nuclear power plants…Turkey Point…why am I still sitting here? South Florida, sir—and step on it!"

    Darnel Jackson Animal Handler
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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