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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Florida Crocs Make Nuclear Comeback

American crocodiles are making a comeback in Florida, thanks in large part to the protected canals surrounding the Turkey Point nuclear power plant. What do you think?
  • "The crocodiles serve an important function in the ecosystem by keeping nuclear-protester numbers manageable."

    Chris Campbell Systems Analyst
  • "Is this one of those 'oh good, a revival of an endangered species' or 'oh no, our ecosystem will never recover' moments?"

    Gillian Lefferts Beer Delivery Man
  • "Hmm…crocodiles…nuclear power plants…Turkey Point…why am I still sitting here? South Florida, sir—and step on it!"

    Darnel Jackson Animal Handler

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