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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Florida Evicts Bridge-Dwelling Sex Offenders

The state of Florida is dissuading sex offenders from continuing to live under a bridge, despite their claims that existing ordinances prevent them from living elsewhere. What do you think?
  • "I hope all this talk of sex offenders doesn't tarnish the squeaky-clean image of the common bridge-dweller."

    Duncan Garfield Pizza Cook
  • "I know that sometimes it's difficult to have sympathy for sex offenders, but just pretend for a minute that one of them was your father."

    Alex Gladstone Nail Salon Worker
  • "This is an outrage. My children drive over that bridge!"

    Mallory Ryan Marketing Consultant

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