adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Florida Evicts Bridge-Dwelling Sex Offenders

The state of Florida is dissuading sex offenders from continuing to live under a bridge, despite their claims that existing ordinances prevent them from living elsewhere. What do you think?
  • "I hope all this talk of sex offenders doesn't tarnish the squeaky-clean image of the common bridge-dweller."

    Duncan Garfield Pizza Cook
  • "I know that sometimes it's difficult to have sympathy for sex offenders, but just pretend for a minute that one of them was your father."

    Alex Gladstone Nail Salon Worker
  • "This is an outrage. My children drive over that bridge!"

    Mallory Ryan Marketing Consultant
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close