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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Florida Faces Early Voting Fiasco

Florida residents hoping to cast early ballots faced long lines yesterday, including a six-hour wait at one polling place in Miami-Dade County, while a bomb scare closed a voting location near Orlando. What do you think?

  • “This is almost as bad as the 1912 Florida election, when alligators ate 27 Taft supporters.”

    Walter Calloway Leather Tooler
  • “It’s not easy to equip polling places for large numbers of voters. For one thing, you need a shitload of pens.”

    Gloria Pidgurski Systems Analyst
  • “As long as my vote for Pat Buchanan went through, I’m satisfied.”

    Junior Lamarche Calcine Furnace Loader

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