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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Florida Faces Early Voting Fiasco

Florida residents hoping to cast early ballots faced long lines yesterday, including a six-hour wait at one polling place in Miami-Dade County, while a bomb scare closed a voting location near Orlando. What do you think?

  • “This is almost as bad as the 1912 Florida election, when alligators ate 27 Taft supporters.”

    Walter Calloway Leather Tooler
  • “It’s not easy to equip polling places for large numbers of voters. For one thing, you need a shitload of pens.”

    Gloria Pidgurski Systems Analyst
  • “As long as my vote for Pat Buchanan went through, I’m satisfied.”

    Junior Lamarche Calcine Furnace Loader
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