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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Florida Faces Early Voting Fiasco

Florida residents hoping to cast early ballots faced long lines yesterday, including a six-hour wait at one polling place in Miami-Dade County, while a bomb scare closed a voting location near Orlando. What do you think?

  • “This is almost as bad as the 1912 Florida election, when alligators ate 27 Taft supporters.”

    Walter Calloway Leather Tooler
  • “It’s not easy to equip polling places for large numbers of voters. For one thing, you need a shitload of pens.”

    Gloria Pidgurski Systems Analyst
  • “As long as my vote for Pat Buchanan went through, I’m satisfied.”

    Junior Lamarche Calcine Furnace Loader

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