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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Florida Faces Early Voting Fiasco

Florida residents hoping to cast early ballots faced long lines yesterday, including a six-hour wait at one polling place in Miami-Dade County, while a bomb scare closed a voting location near Orlando. What do you think?

  • “This is almost as bad as the 1912 Florida election, when alligators ate 27 Taft supporters.”

    Walter Calloway Leather Tooler
  • “It’s not easy to equip polling places for large numbers of voters. For one thing, you need a shitload of pens.”

    Gloria Pidgurski Systems Analyst
  • “As long as my vote for Pat Buchanan went through, I’m satisfied.”

    Junior Lamarche Calcine Furnace Loader

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