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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Florida Millionaire Adopts 42-Year-Old Girlfriend

A 48-year-old West Palm Beach millionaire and polo club founder has adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend in an apparent bid to avoid paying out a wrongful death lawsuit. What do you think?

  • “Her father must feel conflicted. He’s losing a daughter but gaining a guy who’s now her father but also sleeping with her.”

    Dan Kelly Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, great. I finally got my old lady to stop nagging me to get hitched, and now this."

    Becky Von Till Polymerization Oven Operator
  • "Good luck. I remember how difficult raising my girlfriend was at 48."

    Carlos Edwardson Greens Tier
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