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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Flu Hitting Obese People Harder

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 46 percent of American adults who have been hospitalized with this year’s strain of the flu are obese, a figure much higher than the 20-30 percent average of years past. What do you think?

  • “Are we sure they’re not just faking it to get some of that tasty medicine?”

    Raymond Massey Watchband Assembler
  • “So that’s why Hardy was always sneezing while Laurel looked fine.”

    Ross Bristow Recording Engineer
  • “Oh great, another excuse for people to not hang out with me.”

    Sandra Vafiadis Systems Analyst
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