Flu Season Arrives Month Early

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.


Flu Season Arrives Month Early

Citing an uptick in influenza reports in the Southeast and Texas, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warned that flu season has arrived a month earlier than usual and noted that this year’s strain could be particularly troublesome for the elderly. What do you think?

  • “I’m not worried. I got a flu shot one year.”

    Jay Kellener
    Road Supervisor
  • “Every year flu season seems to just get longer and more commercialized.”

    Cyndi Strouse
    Formula Bottler
  • “Stay out of Texas and avoid the elderly. Done and done.”

    T. Daniel Bronskill
    Bundle Weigher