Food Companies Cut 6.4 Trillion Calories From Products

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Food Companies Cut 6.4 Trillion Calories From Products

A study has found that a group of 16 major food companies including Kraft and Coca-Cola cut a total of 6.4 trillion calories from their products between 2007 and 2012, far exceeding their pledge to slash 1.5 trillion calories by 2015. What do you think?

  • “They better not have laid a hand on my Phineas and Ferb macaroni and cheese.”

    Megan Forster
    Music Teacher
  • “Food companies can take away my calories, but they can never take away the self-loathing that drives me to overeat.”

    Rob Keeney
    Systems Analyst
  • “We need a cake to celebrate!”

    Aaron Simonson
    Oil-Pipe Inspector