adBlockCheck

Food Pyramid Scrapped

Top Headlines

Recent News

Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty.

Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Originality

Food Pyramid Scrapped

The U.S. Agriculture Department has thrown out the Food Pyramid, in use since 1992, in favor of "MyPlate," a new plate-based dietary visualization tool. What do you think?

  • "But now how will I remember how many cartoon baguettes and whole roasted turkeys I'm supposed to eat?"

    Rick Cassidy
    Sewer Pipe Offbearer
  • “Shit, I’ve been eating a pyramid-based diet for the past two decades. I’m a dead man.”

    Rachel Gmetro
    Gang Sawyer
  • "As the morning dawns, another hallmark of the grunge era is gone, but not before I finish listening to Mudhoney's Piece Of Cake, drink an eighth glass of water, and move on to fortified cereal one last time."

    Finn Russo
    Detective

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close