adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Food Pyramid Scrapped

The U.S. Agriculture Department has thrown out the Food Pyramid, in use since 1992, in favor of "MyPlate," a new plate-based dietary visualization tool. What do you think?

  • "But now how will I remember how many cartoon baguettes and whole roasted turkeys I'm supposed to eat?"

    Rick Cassidy Sewer Pipe Offbearer
  • “Shit, I’ve been eating a pyramid-based diet for the past two decades. I’m a dead man.”

    Rachel Gmetro Gang Sawyer
  • "As the morning dawns, another hallmark of the grunge era is gone, but not before I finish listening to Mudhoney's Piece Of Cake, drink an eighth glass of water, and move on to fortified cereal one last time."

    Finn Russo Detective
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close