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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Food Pyramid Scrapped

The U.S. Agriculture Department has thrown out the Food Pyramid, in use since 1992, in favor of "MyPlate," a new plate-based dietary visualization tool. What do you think?

  • "But now how will I remember how many cartoon baguettes and whole roasted turkeys I'm supposed to eat?"

    Rick Cassidy Sewer Pipe Offbearer
  • “Shit, I’ve been eating a pyramid-based diet for the past two decades. I’m a dead man.”

    Rachel Gmetro Gang Sawyer
  • "As the morning dawns, another hallmark of the grunge era is gone, but not before I finish listening to Mudhoney's Piece Of Cake, drink an eighth glass of water, and move on to fortified cereal one last time."

    Finn Russo Detective

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