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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Football Players Suffering Brain Damage

Doctors have found a type of brain damage usually associated with boxers in six NFL players who died at age 50 or younger. What do you think?
  • "I've always said that players shouldn't be allowed onto the football field unless they've been doing rigorous exercises to toughen the brain."

    Chad Flaherty Flooring Sales Representative
  • "If I'd known professional football was so dangerous, I never would have let my son join the Atlanta Falcons."

    Matt Pergament Public Relations
  • "Perhaps they should sign a waiver indicating they are willing to take the risk in exchange for, say, tens of millions of dollars."

    Francis Judson IT Specialist

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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