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Politics

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Former eBay CEO Running For Governor

Meg Whitman, the former CEO of the auction website eBay, announced her 2010 bid for the governorship of California. What do you think?
  • "What an inspiring tale of riches-to-power."

    Karen Popma Systems Analyst
  • "She won't be getting my vote: I bought an iPhone from eBay that turned out to be an iPhone box full of marbles."

    Michael Gallivan Kitchen Manager
  • "This would be a great idea if California were eBay."

    Andy McPheron Cabinet Maker

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