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Google Unveils New Larry Page–Driven Car

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the project as its most advanced foray yet into the realm of personal transportation, Google unveiled its new Larry Page–driven car at a press event Wednesday.

Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Former Illinois Governor Found Guilty Of Fraud

Former Illinois Governor George Ryan was found guilty of racketeering and fraud for steering big money contracts to friends, family and cronies. What do you think?
  • “Whoop-dee-doo. When Howard Dean was governor of Vermont he would help friends and relatives hand-dig secret graves out by the Montpelier Race Track.”

    Nick DiMatteis Hair Stylist
  • “Since he abolished the death penalty, he should’ve committed a capital crime too, just as a final ‘fuck you’ to the state.”

    Josh Galloway Sales Associate
  • “It’s a sad day in this country when an Illinois politician can’t get away with a little racketeering and fraud anymore.”

    Vicki Umbehaun Pharmacist
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Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

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