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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Former NASCAR Official Suing For Harassment

An ex-NASCAR inspector is suing the organization for wrongful termination and racial and sexual discrimination. What do you think?
  • "These allegations make me feel a little ashamed to have Jeff Gordon's number and likeness tattooed on my chest."

    Charlie Voyce Trade Representative
  • "Someone must have forgotten to take down that tool girl calendar."

    Russ Isaacs Student Advisor
  • "Was she good-looking?"

    Angie Moore Building Superintendent

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