adBlockCheck

Former Spy Telescopes Turned To Space

Top Headlines

Recent News

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Former Spy Telescopes Turned To Space

The National Reconnaissance Office has donated two former spy telescopes to NASA, which hopes to repurpose them to investigate dark energy. What do you think?

  • "They should give NASA some wiretaps to listen in on what those asteroids are saying about us."

    Kenny Grieve Disc-Pad-Plate Filler
  • "NASA always gets the best hand-me-downs. Remember a couple years ago when the USDA donated a corn picker? Up it went, right into space."

    Sheena Vincent Welt Cutter, Reflow Operator
  • "Oh, you believed that, did you? Excellent."

    Todd Lanier-Bramlett Display Maker

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close