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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Fox Announces ‘Grease’ Live TV Musical For 2015

Fox has announced that the network is planning to air a live version of the hit 1978 musical Grease in 2015. What do you think?

  • “But TV was the one place I was safe from the magic of live theater.”

    Arnie Futterman Image Consultant
  • “This makes me nostalgic for the ’70s, back when everyone was nostalgic for the ’50s.”

    Belinda Elson Pastry Finisher
  • “I hope they don’t make the same mistake the movie did by adding all the singing.”

    Harry Peltzer Loan Underwriter

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