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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Fox Announces ‘Grease’ Live TV Musical For 2015

Fox has announced that the network is planning to air a live version of the hit 1978 musical Grease in 2015. What do you think?

  • “But TV was the one place I was safe from the magic of live theater.”

    Arnie Futterman Image Consultant
  • “This makes me nostalgic for the ’70s, back when everyone was nostalgic for the ’50s.”

    Belinda Elson Pastry Finisher
  • “I hope they don’t make the same mistake the movie did by adding all the singing.”

    Harry Peltzer Loan Underwriter

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