The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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France And Germany Say No

At a recent NATO meeting, France and Germany expressed reluctance to lend military support to the U.S. if it invades Iraq. What do you think?
  • "I can understand France pussin' out, but Germany?"

    Tom Robinson Systems Analyst
  • "Has it been explained to the Germans that the Iraqis are Semites?"

    Paul Ryback Delivery Driver
  • "I'm sorry, but why should France and Germany have a say in what goes on all the way over in Iraq?"

    Christina Davies Dental Hygienist
  • "That's a shame. It would have been hilarious to see the French running around the desert in their froofy Stratego uniforms."

    Fred Eckers Machinist
  • "Oh, shit. I'm forced to side with France on something."

    Carolyn Kass Psychologist
  • "Hey, Mr. President. When even the Germans don't want to fight, take the fucking hint."

    Craig George Architect

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