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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Freeze-Resistant Cockroaches Invade Manhattan

A particularly hardy species of Asian cockroach known as Periplaneta japonica, which can withstand freezing temperatures and winter conditions, has been found in Manhattan, its first confirmed presence in the United States. What do you think?

  • “Great, just another thing obnoxious New Yorkers get to brag about.”

    Curtis Toth Computer Salesman
  • “Never heard of it, and I’ve been freezing bugs for a while.”

    Leona Wolf Rug Weaver
  • “Takashi made it alive to New York! Yay!”

    Ken Okita Carpenter
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