French Magazine Runs Muhammad Cartoons

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Vol 48 Issue 39

The Science Of Sex

Discovery 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Scientists take an up-close look at what attracts us to each other and why, using clinical words for stuff like “cock” and “fucking.”

Tragic Accident Kills Aspiring Living Person

BOISE, ID—According to friends and family, the automobile accident that claimed the life of area youth Evan Laskin this week tragically cut short the prospects of a talented 18-year-old who had aspired his whole life to be a living person. Those clo...

Voting Begins In Iowa

More than a month before Election Day, residents of key swing state Iowa began casting their ballots at designated polling locations yesterday as part of the state’s early voting process.

Robot Butler

Fox 9:30 p.m. EDT/8:30 p.m. CDT A drink order does not compute, so Robot Butler murders everyone.
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Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

French Magazine Runs Muhammad Cartoons

The Paris-based satirical weekly Charlie Hebdo published cartoons today that depict the Prophet Muhammad naked, drawing criticism from the French government, which has shut down embassies and schools in 20 countries as a precautionary measure. What do you think?

  • “No way it could be half as offensive as the latest Marmaduke. I mean, is there anything that dog won’t chew on?”

    Shari Wittle
    Sheetrock Installer
  • “I hope it’s funny enough to cheer me up from all the deaths it’ll cause.”

    Joseph Ronay
    Mounted Police Officer
  • “The more everyone says not to draw Muhammad, the more nervous I get that I’m going to doodle him by accident."

    Curtis Grasmere
    Systems Analyst
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