adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

French President Receives New Camel After First Eaten

The government of Mali will give French president Francois Hollande a “bigger and better-looking” camel as a gift for France’s help in defeating Muslim rebels after the original camel, which Hollande left with a family in Timbuktu, was promptly killed and eaten in a stew. What do you think?

  • “Great, now you’ve got me all hungry for camel.”

    Spiro Heuer Electrician
  • “I’m a little confused about the etiquette here. How long can someone leave their camel at your house before you’re allowed to eat it?”

    Rosalie Heitman Jukebox Servicer
  • “See, that’s why I always make sure to keep a close watch on my camel, because otherwise—oh, no, Annabelle!”

    Ernie Gallavan Septic Tank Installer
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close