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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Fruit Flies Seek Out Alcohol

An Emory University study published in the journal Current Biology shows that common fruit flies often seek out fermented fruit for nourishment in order to self-medicate against the threat of deadly parasitic wasps. What do you think?

  • “That’s fine, as long as they’re not flying anywhere for awhile.”

    Arturo de Sá Dresser Tender
  • “I'm sure at least some of those flies also drink because of their crippling depression.”

    Susan Hall Spice Cleaner
  • “That’s bullshit. Any time I’ve lobbed fireworks at a wasp nest, being drunk never protected me.”

    Brian Matthews Grip Assembler

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