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Fruit Flies Seek Out Alcohol

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Fruit Flies Seek Out Alcohol

An Emory University study published in the journal Current Biology shows that common fruit flies often seek out fermented fruit for nourishment in order to self-medicate against the threat of deadly parasitic wasps. What do you think?

  • “That’s fine, as long as they’re not flying anywhere for awhile.”

    Arturo de Sá Dresser Tender
  • “I'm sure at least some of those flies also drink because of their crippling depression.”

    Susan Hall Spice Cleaner
  • “That’s bullshit. Any time I’ve lobbed fireworks at a wasp nest, being drunk never protected me.”

    Brian Matthews Grip Assembler

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