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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Future Of Moon Mission In Doubt

Due to financial constraints, NASA's plans to return to the moon are no longer in the Obama budget. What do you think?
  • "That's just another few years Buzz Aldrin will have to wait to get his wallet back."

    Matt Breckman Parking Attendant
  • "It's about time the government put space exploration in the capable hands of the private sector. I personally can't wait to ride on the Arby's 1."

    Jody Hanson Milk Hauler
  • "But moon people turned out in record droves to vote Democrat!"

    Christian Yazbek Salt Spreader

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