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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Gabby Giffords Tells Congress To Act On Gun Control

Former Arizona representative Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot in the head in 2011, delivered the opening remarks yesterday at a congressional hearing on gun violence that later featured testimony from NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre. What do you think?

  • “Come on. If everyone who got shot felt the need to speak to Congress about gun control, we’d never hear the end of it.”

    Janet Mooney Unemployed
  • “Think of the courage, strength, and determination it took to come back and address the nation like LaPierre did after these shootings.”

    Larry Campisi Block Maker
  • “Until I hear the side of a deranged mass shooter I don’t know what to think.”

    Alonzo Marshall Herbarium Curator
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