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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Gates To Leave Microsoft

Bill Gates announced that he will be giving up his duties in the day-to-day operations of Microsoft in 2008. What do you think?
  • "This will certainly give him more time to tighten his tyrannical monopoly on philanthropy."

    Alex Martinelli Sous Chef
  • "It was only a matter of time before the head of Microsoft crashed."

    Diane Wheedon Systems Analyst
  • "Now maybe he can finally buy one of those new black Dual-Core MacBooks without everyone crawling up his ass."

    Rob Bernstein Exterminator

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