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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Gates To Leave Microsoft

Bill Gates announced that he will be giving up his duties in the day-to-day operations of Microsoft in 2008. What do you think?
  • "This will certainly give him more time to tighten his tyrannical monopoly on philanthropy."

    Alex Martinelli Sous Chef
  • "It was only a matter of time before the head of Microsoft crashed."

    Diane Wheedon Systems Analyst
  • "Now maybe he can finally buy one of those new black Dual-Core MacBooks without everyone crawling up his ass."

    Rob Bernstein Exterminator
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