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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Gates To Leave Microsoft

Bill Gates announced that he will be giving up his duties in the day-to-day operations of Microsoft in 2008. What do you think?
  • "This will certainly give him more time to tighten his tyrannical monopoly on philanthropy."

    Alex Martinelli Sous Chef
  • "It was only a matter of time before the head of Microsoft crashed."

    Diane Wheedon Systems Analyst
  • "Now maybe he can finally buy one of those new black Dual-Core MacBooks without everyone crawling up his ass."

    Rob Bernstein Exterminator
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