Gay Adoption

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Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.

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Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and many commentators have argued that not enough has been done over the past decade to address infrastructure and emergency response issues that could put coastal cities nationwide, including New Orleans, at risk of a catastrophe on a similar scale. Is the nation prepared for another Katrina?

Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

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CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
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Gay Adoption

Rosie O'Donnell, an adoptive parent and newly out lesbian, called Florida's and President Bush's opposition to gay adoption "wrong." What do you think?
  • "Rosie O'Donnell and her kind should not be allowed to adopt. You have no idea how bad it fucks kids up to be raised by celebrities."

    George Kiehl
    Truck Driver
  • "You know, maybe gay adoption will scare conservatives enough that they'll consider safe, legal abortion as an alternative."

    Wendy Mota
    Physical Therapist
  • "The law needs to make a distinction here. Are we talking regular gay or whoo-hoo-fabulous gay?"

    Chris Chance
    Prep Cook
  • "As long as they're closeted gays, I have no problem with it."

    Dan Durkee
    Bond Trader
  • "Homosexuals should be allowed to adopt kids, but they should not be allowed to molest them. I firmly believe that."

    David Whitten
    Systems Analyst
  • "The last thing we need is to put children in the hands of people who actually want them."

    Roberta Diamond
    Teacher