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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Gay Clergyman

The Vatican has announced that it will prevent homosexuals from entering the priesthood. What do you think?
  • "But I can keep the outfit, right?"

    John Benito Dentist
  • "I heard they're also doing away with Barry, the patron saint of neatly groomed mustaches."

    Chris Dellinger Adjudicator
  • "So...They're just going to promote them all to bishop?"

    Casey Lincoln Chiropractor

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