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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
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Gay Marriage

Last week, the Massachusetts high court sanctioned same-sex marriages in that state. What do you think?
  • "Same-sex unions will only serve to weaken the institution of marriage for the rest of us. My wife and I can barely stand each other as it is."

    Karl Collins Mechanical Engineer
  • "How will they decide who's going to wear the wedding dress?! Whoa! Sorry for being so 'politically incorrect'!"

    Joe Perez Waiter
  • "What's the big deal? It's legal now. My sister's married to a gay guy and everyone knows it."

    Frances Evans Producer
  • "Great. Just when I finally get my mother to accept that I'm gay, she has a whole new thing to nag me about: getting married."

    Walter Hill Systems Analyst
  • "Some fag better not try marrying me. These days, you fuck a guy one time and he pulls out a ring."

    Jerry Turner Musician
  • "As an overweight, emotionally needy fag hag, I strongly oppose all gay marriage legislation."

    Diane Morris Counselor

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