Gay-Marriage Amendment

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Gay-Marriage Amendment

The US Senate voted yesterday on a proposed Constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. What do you think?
  • "Hopefully this will put to rest the gays' filthy desire to file joint tax returns once and for all."

    Patrick Walsh
    Bulldozer Operator
  • "A ban on gay marriage is a good first step, but it's time to get serious about a complete ban on the institution."

    David Cherney
    Car Wash Attendant
  • "I won't rest until we declare heterosexuality the official sexuality of the United States."

    Ariel Kenner
    Piano Accompanist