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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Gay-Marriage Amendment

The US Senate voted yesterday on a proposed Constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. What do you think?
  • "Hopefully this will put to rest the gays' filthy desire to file joint tax returns once and for all."

    Patrick Walsh Bulldozer Operator
  • "A ban on gay marriage is a good first step, but it's time to get serious about a complete ban on the institution."

    David Cherney Car Wash Attendant
  • "I won't rest until we declare heterosexuality the official sexuality of the United States."

    Ariel Kenner Piano Accompanist
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