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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Gay Marriage In San Francisco

Last week, California's Supreme Court voided about 4,000 same-sex marriages performed by the mayor of San Francisco earlier this year. What do you think?
  • "The court struck every single one down? Well, that makes the failure rate for gay marriages almost double that of straight marriages."

    Michael Harlson Banker
  • "Oh... well... oh, geez. I'm no good at talking about all this mushy stuff."

    Mark Jacobsen Systems Analyst
  • "In addition to being overturned legally, were these marriages officially annulled in the eyes of God? If not, these people could be condemned to hell!"

    Kathleen Hayes Teacher
  • "I had five weddings to attend in October, but now it's only three. That doesn't seem like much less, but believe me, it really helps."

    Jan Gorman Choreographer
  • "Did you hear this, Rod and Keenan? I want those wine glasses back!"

    Charles Lopez Driver
  • "Just to clarify, sodomy's still legal, isn't it? Well, all right then."

    Chris Gerber Dishwasher
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