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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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George Clooney Engaged

People magazine is reporting that after a string of high-profile relationships, 52-year-old actor George Clooney has popped the question to his girlfriend of less than a year, British-Lebanese human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin. What do you think?

  • “Men always start settling for beautiful, intelligent women after they turn 50.”

    Hoyt Peltzer Systems Analyst
  • “He usually tells me everything, so I doubt this is true.”

    Susan Luke Kitchen Designer
  • “Good. He’s had enough.”

    John Rialto City Comptroller

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