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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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George Clooney Engaged

People magazine is reporting that after a string of high-profile relationships, 52-year-old actor George Clooney has popped the question to his girlfriend of less than a year, British-Lebanese human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin. What do you think?

  • “Men always start settling for beautiful, intelligent women after they turn 50.”

    Hoyt Peltzer Systems Analyst
  • “He usually tells me everything, so I doubt this is true.”

    Susan Luke Kitchen Designer
  • “Good. He’s had enough.”

    John Rialto City Comptroller
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