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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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George Takei To Wed Partner

Following California's legalization of gay marriage, George Takei, best known as Sulu on Star Trek, has applied to marry his longtime partner. What do you think?
  • "Wait...this Sulu didn't have a scar on his face, did he? Well, then, that's OK. Congratulations to the happy couple."

    Phyllis Stibbe Systems Analyst
  • "I'm wondering if I should send him a gift or just wait to give it to him in person at the next Comic Con."

    Paul Kanable Roadie
  • "Still not as shocking as when Kirk kissed Uhura."

    Oren Campbell Paramedic

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