George W. Bush Undergoes Heart Surgery

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Vol 49 Issue 32

Carl Tresvant

Since he didn’t know anything about the topic being discussed, Carl Tresvant kept his goddamn trap shut.

Obama Taking 8-Day Martha’s Vineyard Vacation

The Obama family will leave Saturday for an 8-day vacation on the quiet, affluent island of Martha’s Vineyard, where they have visited three of the past four summers, and are expected to spend the week golfing, shopping, and relaxing.

Doctors Finally Clear Peyton Manning To Play Football

DENVER—Two years after performing his 2011 spinal fusion surgery, doctors announced this week that Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has been officially cleared to return to the field and take part in football activities.
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George W. Bush Undergoes Heart Surgery

Following the discovery of a blockage in one of George W. Bush’s arteries during his annual physical, doctors performed successful heart surgery on the former president Monday, inserting a stent to hold open his clogged blood vessel. What do you think?

  • “I hope he’s well enough to return to painting soon.”

    Cullen Fife
    Acid Purifier
  • “I hope whoever performed the surgery made it fun and pretended they were torturing him for nuclear codes the whole time.”

    Leigh Marcil
    Systems Analyst
  • “Annual physical? Pardon me, Mr. Rockefeller.”

    Buzz Sperry
    Balloon Manufacturer
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