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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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George W. Bush’s Approval Rating Highest In 8 Years

George W. Bush’s approval rating has climbed to its highest level since 2005 and he is now seen more positively than President Barack Obama, with 49 percent of Americans viewing the former president favorably and 46 percent viewing him unfavorably. What do you think?

  • “He really started growing on me when I stopped seeing and hearing him.”

    Marc Coleman Railroad Track Layer
  • “I’m sure that’s based on a sober-headed reevaluation of his specific policies and accomplishments.”

    Dorothea Brentley Scaffold Builder
  • “We always want what we cannot have.”

    Billy Greenwood Systems Analyst

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