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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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George W. Bush’s Approval Rating Highest In 8 Years

George W. Bush’s approval rating has climbed to its highest level since 2005 and he is now seen more positively than President Barack Obama, with 49 percent of Americans viewing the former president favorably and 46 percent viewing him unfavorably. What do you think?

  • “He really started growing on me when I stopped seeing and hearing him.”

    Marc Coleman Railroad Track Layer
  • “I’m sure that’s based on a sober-headed reevaluation of his specific policies and accomplishments.”

    Dorothea Brentley Scaffold Builder
  • “We always want what we cannot have.”

    Billy Greenwood Systems Analyst

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