adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

George Zimmerman Arrested For Domestic Violence

George Zimmerman, who was acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, was arrested on a felony charge of assault after his girlfriend said he broke a glass table, pointed a shotgun at her face, and then locked her out of the house they share. What do you think?

  • “I don’t know how any woman could go out with someone who only just recently separated from his wife.”

    Frederick Moseley Kindergarten Teacher
  • “Doesn’t surprise me. That taste for the spotlight doesn’t just go away.”

    Nina Tolbert Piano Tuner
  • “At least he knows he’ll get a fair trial in Florida.”

    Murray Tremmel Unemployed

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close