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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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George Zimmerman Arrested For Domestic Violence

George Zimmerman, who was acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, was arrested on a felony charge of assault after his girlfriend said he broke a glass table, pointed a shotgun at her face, and then locked her out of the house they share. What do you think?

  • “I don’t know how any woman could go out with someone who only just recently separated from his wife.”

    Frederick Moseley Kindergarten Teacher
  • “Doesn’t surprise me. That taste for the spotlight doesn’t just go away.”

    Nina Tolbert Piano Tuner
  • “At least he knows he’ll get a fair trial in Florida.”

    Murray Tremmel Unemployed

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