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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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George Zimmerman Arrested For Domestic Violence

George Zimmerman, who was acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, was arrested on a felony charge of assault after his girlfriend said he broke a glass table, pointed a shotgun at her face, and then locked her out of the house they share. What do you think?

  • “I don’t know how any woman could go out with someone who only just recently separated from his wife.”

    Frederick Moseley Kindergarten Teacher
  • “Doesn’t surprise me. That taste for the spotlight doesn’t just go away.”

    Nina Tolbert Piano Tuner
  • “At least he knows he’ll get a fair trial in Florida.”

    Murray Tremmel Unemployed
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