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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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George Zimmerman Asks Florida To Pay His Legal Costs

Saying that the donations he received from supporters online had dwindled, George Zimmerman, who was acquitted last month in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, will seek $300,000 from the state of Florida to cover legal costs he incurred in his defense. What do you think?

  • “Admittedly, it was a pretty big inconvenience for him.”

    Scott Southwell Keyboard Assembler
  • “Shooting another unarmed black kid would probably get that bigot money flowing again.”

    Gina Schaum Mathematician
  • “He needs to suck it up. That’s just the cost of doing murder in this country.”

    James Zulo Chisel Grinder
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