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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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George Zimmerman Asks Florida To Pay His Legal Costs

Saying that the donations he received from supporters online had dwindled, George Zimmerman, who was acquitted last month in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, will seek $300,000 from the state of Florida to cover legal costs he incurred in his defense. What do you think?

  • “Admittedly, it was a pretty big inconvenience for him.”

    Scott Southwell Keyboard Assembler
  • “Shooting another unarmed black kid would probably get that bigot money flowing again.”

    Gina Schaum Mathematician
  • “He needs to suck it up. That’s just the cost of doing murder in this country.”

    James Zulo Chisel Grinder

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