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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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George Zimmerman’s Wife Files For Divorce

Shellie Zimmerman filed for divorce from her husband of seven years, George Zimmerman, who was recently acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, claiming that he is verbally abusive, selfish, and that she’s not sure she “ever really knew him at all.” What do you think?

  • “How much freedom can one guy get?”

    Javier Francisco Systems Analyst
  • “Hold on. We shouldn’t jump to any conclusions until we hear his side of the story.”

    Brett Machado Brick Salesman
  • “Batman could never make marriage work either.”

    Eileen Costello Spelunking Instructor

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