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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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German Shepherd Wins Best In Show At Westminster

Rumor, a German shepherd from Wisconsin, has won the Westminster Dog Show’s top prize, only the second of her breed to win throughout the show’s 140-year history. What do you think?

  • “And someone presumably said it couldn’t be done.”

    Rodney Long Stew Stirrer
  • “It’s so inspiring to see a lifetime of being a dog pay off!”

    Rick Baskett Organ Embalmer
  • “I know a Norwegian elkhound who’s going to need a few extra belly rubs tonight.”

    Patricia Langham Oboe Tuner

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