Giant Hornets Terrorize Central China

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Vol 49 Issue 40

Packers Go With No-Cuddle Offense

GREEN BAY, WI—Seeking to quicken the game’s pace by not cuddling up before every snap, Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers confirmed that his team plans to run a no-cuddle offense on Sunday against the Detroit Lions.

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Five Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week five games: Bills at Browns OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Browns – Starting quarterback Brian Hoyer will injure his k...
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    BERKELEY, CA—Claiming that the eatery was already generating a buzz among locals with its “East Meets Mex” flavors, owners of the Bento Burrito location on Shattuck Avenue explained to reporters Tuesday how their new restaurant offers a ...

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Giant Hornets Terrorize Central China

The Chinese province of Shaanxi has been devastated by Asian giant hornets, which are the size of a human thumb and have venom capable of causing kidney failure, with hornet attacks hospitalizing over 200 citizens and injuring nearly 1,500 more this year. What do you think?

  • “I suppose if there’s a silver lining to be found in this, it’s that it doesn’t affect me.”

    Nathaniel Friedlander
    Wheelbarrow Maker
  • “Leave it to Shaanxi to get themselves infested with a bunch of hornets.”

    Mona Delmonico
    Library Science Professor
  • “Good. Now when I’m asked about the size of my thumb, I have something to compare it to.”

    Shane Myrick
    Sommelier
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