Giant, Voracious Snails Invade Florida

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Grin Slowly Spreads Across Mom’s Face As Meal Revealed To Contain Healthy Ingredients

‘The Mashed Potatoes Are Actually Made With Cauliflower,’ She Announces

VERONA, WI—Having waited until everyone at the table had finished their dinner Monday, a knowing grin reportedly spread across local mother Angela Hopkins’ face as she announced to her family that the mashed potatoes had in fact been made using cauliflower as a healthier alternative.
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Giant, Voracious Snails Invade Florida

South Florida is struggling to deal with an infestation of invasive giant African land snails, which can grow to the size of rats, readily consume over 500 native species, and are known to enjoy chewing on the stucco common to Florida’s housing. What do you think?

  • “I say we cut our losses and just give Florida to the snails.”

    Anderson Grier
  • “They seem like go-getters wanting their piece of the American dream. Who are any of us to stop them?”

    Nadia Jenkinson
    Parachute Mender
  • “I’m with the snails. Stucco is delicious.”

    Donald Priestley