Gingrich Announces Candidacy

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Vol 47 Issue 19

Nation Wrestling With Notion Of Mark Cuban Winning NBA Title

DALLAS—Within hours of the Mavericks sweeping the Lakers Sunday to advance to the NBA Western Conference Finals, basketball fans across the United States began preparing themselves for the very real possibility of outspoken libertarian and tech bill...

Career Highlights Of Phil Jackson

Thirteen-time NBA champion Phil Jackson, the man who most thoroughly embodies the idea of the basketball guru, is saying he’ll hang it up now that his Lakers have been eliminated from the playoffs.

Bronx Zoo Loses Peacock

Following a high-profile cobra escape earlier this year, the world-famous Bronx Zoo had a peacock go missing this week.

Area Man Has Some Pretty Shitty Mob Ties

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Despite local contractor Danny Polazza's frequent claims that "he knows a few guys," friends confirmed Monday that the 42-year-old's ties to the Mafia are actually pretty shitty.
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Gingrich Announces Candidacy

Former House speaker Newt Gingrich is announcing he will run for president in 2012. What do you think?

  • "Oh, that probably means he’s also in the market for a new wife. It’d be great if you could put a good word in for me. I’m disease free."

    Lacey Hicks
    Bell Captain
  • "They're going to have a hard time filling his position as Liberty University's Dean of Rapacious Self-Indulgence."

    Chris Barrow
    Systems Analyst
  • "Now I finally know what he was getting at all those times over the past few months when he talked about running for president."

    Sam Demps
    Looper
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