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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Girls Gone Wild Creator Ordered To Jail

Joe Francis, the man who created the Girls Gone Wild home-video franchise, has been ordered to jail for failing to appear in court for a hearing. What do you think?
  • "It's shocking to see this type of behavior from one of our nation's most respected pornographers."

    Teddy Stivenson Customs Officer
  • "They can imprison the man, but not his spirit."

    Holly McGibbons Midwife
  • "What would it take to get the creator of Desperate Housewives jailed? I hate that show."

    Derek Tobias Crossing Guard

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