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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Gitmo Prisoner Names Released

The U.S government released the first list of detainees at the Guantanamo Bay prison last week, the most extensive accounting yet of the hundreds of people being held there. What do you think?
  • "With typical arrogance, the Pentagon didn't bother to inform the public who was sexiest."

    Blain Deutsch Meteorologist
  • "How embarrassing for them. I remember when Gigi Greenwood released that list of all the sophomore girls who had made out with Greg Curtis. I thought my life was over."

    George Shear Auctioneer
  • "At least now I know that my dear uncle Muhammed al-Qahtani is safe—kind of."

    Megan Ballard Radio Technican

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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