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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Global Dementia To Triple By 2050

As quality of life improves around the world, the rate of dementia is on track to triple within the next 40 years, creating a financial burden on those caring for aging family members. What do you think?

  • "So the good news is that the quality of life increases, but the bad news is that the quality of life decreases?"

    Pam Chapman Systems Analyst
  • "Uh-oh. I'd better sit down with my parents and have a talk with them about how terrible they were to me while they can still remember it."

    Lucas Smith Butcher
  • "That sounds like a problem for my brother. That guy loves taking on all our family's stresses and yelling at us about them later. Go Dan!"

    Adam Hines Board Mixer Tender

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