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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Global Warming Irreversible

According to the journal Science, the human influence on the Earth's climate will be irreversible within the next 100 years. What do you think?
  • "Global warming, asteroids, earthquakes—I can only think of the effects of one disaster-movie at a time."

    Haitham Azeed Web Editor
  • "I'm sick of all the whiners crying about global warming. If you've got a problem with how this planet is run, why don't you go someplace else and see how you like it there?"

    John Finney Tour Guide
  • "Irreversible? Still?"

    Barbara Coleman Pharmacist

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