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Global Warming Making People More Violent

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.
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Global Warming Making People More Violent

A study published in the journal Science found that extremely hot and dry weather resulted in greater levels of conflict, and posited that for every degree Fahrenheit increase in average temperature, violent crime in the U.S. would rise by 2 to 4 percent. What do you think?

  • “I tend to just want to take a nap.”

    Leonard Hegedus
    Induction Furnace Operator
  • “But the hotter it is the more ice cream trucks there will be!”

    Rob Still
    Dog Pound Attendant
  • “You’re really starting to piss me off.”

    Jayson Pearson
    Dairy Bacteriologist

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