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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Global Warming Skeptics Growing In Numbers

Since 2008, the number of people who don't believe in global warming has doubled to 16 percent. What do you think?
  • "Probably most guys could just use another week or so to reconcile the inconsistencies of recent individual findings with the broader scientific consensus."

    Brian Fouts Bid Assessor
  • "Luckily, you don't have to care about global warming to want to reap the benefits of composting."

    Cathey Goodall Census Enumerator
  • "At least the number of Holocaust deniers only grew by a third."

    Joseph Fossey Gang-Bore Operator

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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