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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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GM CEO Suggests Additional $1 Gas Tax

General Motors CEO Dan Akerson said in an interview that the auto industry would be helped more by higher gas taxes than by mandatory increased fuel efficiency. What do you think?

  • "Well, if GM's top leadership is on board, then so am I. They never make woefully self-interested, shortsighted, or commercially unsuccessful decisions."

    Todd Conte Tool Grinder
  • "Good for him. If the auto industry needs something, they need to stop being so shy about asking for help and speak right up. We're not mind readers."

    Hari Uthup Document Restorer
  • "He brings up a good point. No one gives a shit about the environment anymore. Let’s move on."

    Sonya Martinez Unemployed
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