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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Gmail Offers Drunk E-Mail Protection

Gmail now provides an optional series of questions to make sure users are relatively sober before sending an e-mail. What do you think?
  • ''Great, now I have to waste a bunch of time migrating my entire ex-girlfriend address book over to Yahoo! mail."

    Nina Iyer Systems Analyst
  • "Listen, if I can fool my wife, my children, my boss, and everyone down at the county sheriff's office, I'm pretty sure I can fool Gmail."

    Charlie Pitt Forklift Operator
  • "Yeah, but those fuckmotherlers can't do nothin' about voice yelling at some dumb lying bitchisses who can fucking stick a cock in it, because I ain't payin' for that lost cue ball, it sank in the pocket and it never came out."

    Steve Herzog Investment Banker
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