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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Gmail Suffers Major Outage

An overloaded Google router caused a shutdown of Gmail on Tuesday, affecting 150 million users for nearly two hours. What do you think?
  • "So by the end of next May, we should start seeing the first of the Google Outage babies being born."

    Carla Levy Systems Analyst
  • "Now I don't look so silly for never signing up for an e-mail address, do I?"

    Eric Newman Pile-Driver Operator
  • "Remember the time when 150 million people couldn't use Gmail for nearly ten years? From 1993–2003? And every year before that? Unimaginable."

    Adam Carmody Safe Installer
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