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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Gmail Suffers Major Outage

An overloaded Google router caused a shutdown of Gmail on Tuesday, affecting 150 million users for nearly two hours. What do you think?
  • "So by the end of next May, we should start seeing the first of the Google Outage babies being born."

    Carla Levy Systems Analyst
  • "Now I don't look so silly for never signing up for an e-mail address, do I?"

    Eric Newman Pile-Driver Operator
  • "Remember the time when 150 million people couldn't use Gmail for nearly ten years? From 1993–2003? And every year before that? Unimaginable."

    Adam Carmody Safe Installer

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